1) I’m the reason there are organizations such as The American Institute of Stress.
2) I already told my wife I'd won.
3) The local Caldera Dealer is sick and tired of me and my wife showing up every night at 7:30 in our bathing suits for “just one more test soak”. He is beginning to get suspicious.
4) My neighbor has one. According to Universal Man Code, I too must possess one.
5) My wife tells me if she’s catches me one more time in the bath tub with her Mix Master trying to create my own “Caldera Experience” she’s gonna leave me.
6) I already halfway there. Out in the garage, I’ve got 450 water jugs filled up ready to go. The neighbors are beginning to talk.
7) My swimming pool is getting lonely. So very lonely.
Despite my unique financing suggestion, the local Caldera dealer won’t sell me a Caldera tub in exchange for a big hug, a box of donuts and some old vacation photos I found in the attic.
9) Hey, I even offered to perform a highly entertaining “interpretive hot tub dance routine” but the dealer is pretty much set on some sort of “money for hot tub” deal. I can sing too.
10) Having broken everything else around the home, I figure it’s high time I see what kind of damage I can do to your product.
11) I can fill it with beer, right?
12) What about vodka?
13) I keep trying to talk my neighbor into getting a “neighborhood hot tub”. I’ve left him dozens of your brochures with little notes taped to his front door. So far, he ain't buying it. In fact, I think he’s avoiding me. He refuses to make eye contact with me, and runs into the house every time I come out. Go figure.
14) They have one at the local health club. However they have some funny rule wearing a bathing suit. Let me tell you, they’re pretty strict about it too.
15) Ever since what has become known as the embarrassing (and controversial) “Town Square Water Fountain Incident of ‘97”, local authorities have strongly suggested I purchase my own, “real” hot tub.
16) I won’t even mention the whole “Koi pond” thing. It wasn’t pretty. Let me just tell you goldfish don’t thrive in 103 degree water.
17) My make my own hot tub project didn’t work out as I envisioned. Hey, do you guys need an old bath tub, 175 feet of garden hose and 37 slightly used Water Pic massagers?
18) I have 35 rubber duckies. Help me.
19) I’ve seen the hot tub ads. Everyone in them look so nice and beautiful. Trust me; I really would like to look like that. Let’s start with getting a hot tub.
20) I’ve told my in-laws I was rich. (I lied.)
21) If those pushy spa salespeople on TV call me one more time, I’m going to scream.
22) Because the no-name hot tub I bought on the internet turned out to be made from old refrigerator boxes and duct tape. It had a family of angry raccoons living in it.
23) Someday I hope to be rich famous. Big fancy-smancy companies like yours are going to be begging me to endorse their product. I’m offering you a chance to get in on the ground floor and be my friend now. Trust me. This free hot tub thing could really seal the deal.
24) I plan on entering the highly competitive world of “Professional Hot Tubing” Will you sponsor me?
25) I’ll name my first born “Caldera” (or “Calderiaesa-Anna Maria-Lucille” if it’s a girl. Pretty, huh?)
26) Your “ocean wave opal” shell matches my wife’s eyes.
27) I am sexually aroused by the smell of ozone and dichlor.
28) My wife found a stack of hot tub model brochures under the bed and I need a really, really good excuse. FAST!
29) Is it possible to have “too much fun in a Caldera tub?” Let’s find out.
30) Through Caldera’s advanced engineering, custom hydrotherapy and easy to use controls, I plan on spreading world peace….Starting right in my backyard.
