Help, how do you just day NO?

[Bonibelle]

My kids are going to visit my sister this weekend, so my husband invited a couple over for dinner, drinks and to just catch up. We haven't seen them for a while and we thought it would be a good time to socialize and not have to entertain the kids too. Well, they called back to accept the invitation and asked what their kids should bring to use our hot tub. They said the kids are so excited and can't wait to go in.  HUH? my kids won't even be here and I haven't even let them bring friends in. I think my husband only mentioned the tub to these people and never even invited the adults in. I know I sound selfish, but I really don't want anyone but my family in the tub....now I will fume over this all week. And I will probably have to cancel my kid's plans so they can stay home and entertain.  Why do people assume because you have something, it is an automatic invitation? I don't know if any of you have had similar situations but if you have advice on how to handle it tactfully, please clue me in.   :-/  

[brewski]

I assume that your husband invited the other couple over for an evening visit for dinner and drinks as opposed to a weekend visit is that correct? If so I would not blame you at all if you called the other couple and told them the invitation was meant as an adults only get together and that your children simply won't be there to visit. If the couple cannot or will not get a babysitter for the evening (assuming their children are young) I would offer them a rain check for another time. You certainly don't owe them the use of the hot tub and if I were in your place I would definitely not want to entertain their children especially when your kids won't even be home.  

[orlandoguy]

I would probably pour some green food coloring in the tub and complain the water has been acting strange and your whole family has been breaking out with weird rashes that the doctor can't identify but believes could be fatal.

[Brewman]

I agree with brewski.  
Honesty is the best policy, as they say.

I'd tell them that your children are not going to be home, because you're shooting for a adults only weekend, so ask that they find someone to watch their kids.
And also tell them that you won't be using the spa- that it's a drinks/dinner/gabbing session.

If they are frineds they will understand.  If they get cheesed off or offended, well that'd be their problem.

I'm right there with you- I don't like small children in our spa.  Even our own children (ages 17 and 22) know they have to ask permission to use the spa, and to ask permission for friends to join them.
I especially don't want toddlers who are still in diapers.

True friends respect each others ways.

[drewstar]

I hear ya. My wife and I have no children and our tub is more for adults.  However,  there are a few folks that bring thier children over and I've found there really isn't too much you can do, unless you want to sound like an a-hole ...heck I let em use the tub.


I got the tub to be used and enjoyed, and as long as the kids are toilet trained, and follow the rules (no food, no horesplay) they can use the tub.  After all, what's the big deal? Is kid sweat worse than adult sweat?

I don't want my house t become the hang out for kids though, and I don't let it become a habit though.

Cookouts are tougher....I usually have about 30 + folks over and the kids want to used the tub.   I usually just plan on dumping the water after events like that.  

[drprwnap]

Gee Bonibelle that's a tough one.  I would follow brewski and Brewman's advise- be honest -tell them there's been a misunderstanding- that your kids won't be home and this is an adults only get together.  If they don't understand,  that's their problem.  Good luck!

drprwnap  

[Bonibelle]

Thanks guys. these kids are around my kids ages so they don't need a babysitter. I just figured when my husband said we will have a weekend to ourselves and would like you to come for dinner and drinks, they would realize there wouldn't be much for their kids to do. I would have no problem saying no to small children and could justify it, but these kids are teenagers.
In my mind, I think of the hot tub as a personal item. I didn't intend it to be a party place or hangout for kids either. I guess people have different perspectives.  Like I said I will fume over this all week......And probably have to do a water change on Sunday!

[Tatooed_Lady]

how about.....a) planning a "spur of the moment drain/refill to fix the problem that popped up suddenly because of this bottle of bubble bath that MYSTERIOUSLY got dumped in tub" (which, of course, means that you'll have a lot of foam in the back yard), so the water's only about 54 now.." or reminding the couple that it's a "swimsuit free tub", and you just wouldn't feel right with your hubby's "junk" floating around with the kidlets playing in the same tub....OR...shock the TAR out of your tub just before they get there, and mention that you saw some homeless looking guy crawl out of it last night, and you're pretty sure it's now got cooties that can only be cleared up by proper application of chlorine or explosives, chlorine being the first option, which is why the eye burning fumes...you could plan to do a drain/fill the day after, but be sure that no matter how anal retentive your rules on tub use may seem to others.....it is YOUR investment, and if the kiddies (or adults) can't play nice (and go pee in the BATHROOM), or dump stuff in tub, etc....they're just not allowed to play in your sandbox....er...tub.
If it was simply meant as an invite for dinner and yakking it up, maybe mention to the friends that your kids will be gone, and having their kids around won't be exactly condusive to that...and that you hadn't really planned to have a night of 'tub fun'.
I'm nothing, if not creative.

[spiman]

The invite was for dinner and drinks, didn't hear the hot tub part or kids in the invitation. If you feel that the tub is a personal tub, that is your right and nobody needs to impose upon your rights. Come up with a BS story if you have to and  are uncomfortable telling them the truth.

Or, throw the circuit breaker just before they come over.......

[Bonibelle]

Sooo   funny..Believe me I have had some very similar thoughts. Guess we will see how things evolve this week. Knowing this couple, around Thursday or so they will call and ask if the can bring anything. I just hope I don't say No, but you can leave a few things home...be nice..... be nice......

[Tatooed_Lady]

"sure, you can bring a blank check, just in case your curtain climbers get out of hand...."?
"uhh...no tubbing after ingesting alcohol" (save that one for AFTER the drinks have gone around, and follow it up with "no kids allowed in the tub without a 100% alcohol-free adult IN the tub at all times...."
"Gee, honey...the doctor called earlier, and said that the 'problem' is contagious.....oh, geez.....did we sanitize the tub this week? OOPS!"
Okay, I guess one of the MOST reasonable things I've said or read was just to let them know it wasn't exactly an invite for tubbin'......you could also throw in how you find it extremely amusing to see guys that you know (but don't see naked) in bathing suits, to see if it looks like they're smuggling grapes when they're in swim gear....?  

EDIT: Geez, I forgot my favorite....put up "POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS" tape around tub perimeter, add a chalk/tape outline of body on the cover, throw a few spent casings from something along the line of .40 cal...chalk outline some more....we did something like that at an apartment community once.....just the body outline and outline of the casings, nothing else....the WHOLE community was a-buzz for WEEKS!

[drewstar]

Thanks guys. these kids are around my kids ages so they don't need a babysitter. I just figured when my husband said we will have a weekend to ourselves and would like you to come for dinner and drinks, they would realize there wouldn't be much for their kids to do. I would have no problem saying no to small children and could justify it, but these kids are teenagers.
In my mind, I think of the hot tub as a personal item. I didn't intend it to be a party place or hangout for kids either. I guess people have different perspectives.  Like I said I will fume over this all week......And probably have to do a water change on Sunday!

Don't fume. Life is too short.  If the worse thing is that folks want to come over and try out your new toy, then things aren't too bad.  


Oh for what it's worth, you might not have to do a water change.  It's just a couple of kids.  a bit of shock, some clairfier, and with a bit of luck you'll be back to normal in a couple of days.


I would let the folks know that your kids aren't going to be around. This might disuade them from commming with the rug rats, but eventrually, everyone is going to want to try it out.  For the most part you can grin and bear it, or escalate it to an issue.  

I do let folks know that the tub isn't like the pool, its more for quiet and relaxing, and it's difficult to keep clean (a bit of a lie). I've found that for the most part, once everyone had a chance to try the tub, it became less of an issue.

But then again, despite my house having a lot of toys, it's not very kid freindly ( "You have too many rules Uncle Drewstar" claims one of  my nephews).   Oh well.  

[ssbraun]

Geez, that's a tough spot you're in, Bonibelle!  I think the honesty thing is the way to go, myself.  If you go the other way, things have a way of cropping up later...
I've had the same issue, but the ages were younger (infant) so I discussed extreme temperature issues along with the low water:pee ratio inherent to hot tubs .  All was ok.  I guess the flip side is the "don't sweat the small stuff" theory, and if their kids are responsible, have them shower, and insist on washing their swimsuits in your machine w/o soap to get rid of the bubble-bath effect.  It's your investment; you have every right to say no.  You'll just have to gauge the affect on your friendship.  Don't stress out...

Steve

[vlady]

I like this one -
put up "POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS" tape around tub perimeter, add a chalk/tape outline of body on the cover, throw a few spent casings from something along the line of .40 cal

[Tatooed_Lady]

*happy sigh* yeah, the police line tape was one of my favorites.....

"Don't sweat the petty stuff, and don't pet the sweaty stuff!"