Author Topic: Girlyman Returns!-Big Spoiler!!!!! (Read 6122 times)

East_TX_Spa · « **on:** June 30, 2006, 02:29:03 pm »

Took Big Ball of Evil to see Superman Returns last night.

What a horrible waste of time and money.

Schtuperman is a monosyllabic, pouty, androgynous, teary-eyed stalker.
Lois Lane is a deceitful, immoral, immortal trollop who cannot be killed.
Lois Lane's child looks and acts like a phlegmatic pekingese strung out on Valium.
Lex Luthor's criminal genius is about one notch below Stymie from the Little Rascals and he's as intimidating as Papa Smurf.
Jimmy Olsen is Howdy Doody reincarnated minus Mr. Doody's charm.
Perry White reminds me of JMcD.

This is not the way the Man of Steel is supposed to be. �This is Hollyweird's Keanu Reevesesque version and it succulates like no other super hero movie I've ever seen.

Schizophrenic scene jumping, dangling dialogue with ZERO punch or payoff, pointless shots of shoes, irritating and implausible storylines, etc., etc. �Even the opening credits were hemmorhoidal and made me nauseous, but they were the most exciting part of the whole damn thing.

When Supermetrosexualman died, I actually clapped. �I wanted him to die in the first scene and then it would have been worth the $16 movie tickets and the other $10 I spent on a bucket of popcorn and an Icee.

I actually got up and left the movie before the end. �That's only happened before when I saw Ace Ventura II: When Nature Calls and Megaforce (with the guy who looked like Barry Gibb and his futuristic army of Solid Gold Disco Dancers).

I imagine Superfreak survived for the sequel. �It pains me to see the direction this movie takes one of my favorite characters. �The director (Brian Singer) should have contracted JA to write the script as he is a better writer of science fiction fantasy than whoever wrote this turdtwisting mess.

Do yourselves a favor and stay home sticking your hand in the garbage disposal over and over and you will have a better time.

Terminator �

Hot Tub Forum · « **on:** June 30, 2006, 02:29:03 pm »

Bonibelle · « **Reply #1 on:** June 30, 2006, 02:33:43 pm »

Shudda waited for the Pirates!

tmknies1 · « **Reply #2 on:** June 30, 2006, 02:37:33 pm »

Wow, what a review

East_TX_Spa · « **Reply #3 on:** June 30, 2006, 03:25:20 pm »

This is the type of snappy dialogue regurgitated throughout the entire movie:

Kitty (Lex Luthor's Moll): "Are billions of people really going to die?"

8 second pause...1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...

Lex Luthor: "Yes."

End of scene.

Now, imagine Samuel L. Jackson playing Lex Luthor:

Kitty: "Are billions of people really going to die?"

Lexuel L. Luthor: "You bet yore big shiney hiney they're gonna die and I hope they burn in hell, mammyplucker!"

Terminator

wmccall · « **Reply #4 on:** June 30, 2006, 03:37:43 pm »

"When Supermetrosexualman died, I actually clapped"

Well, I didn't see that coming

Spatech_tuo · « **Reply #5 on:** June 30, 2006, 04:15:47 pm »

Quote

Lex Luthor, criminal genius, is about as brilliant as Stymie from the Little Rascals.

How dare you attack one of the greatest child TV characters of my youth. Stymie was awesome.

East_TX_Spa · « **Reply #6 on:** June 30, 2006, 04:26:41 pm »

Quote

How dare you attack one of the greatest child TV characters of my youth. Stymie was awesome.

Sorry. I, too, love Stymie. But he was no criminal mastermind.

I fixed it in deference to you...and Stymie.

Terminator

hymbaw · « **Reply #7 on:** July 01, 2006, 01:51:48 am »

I kinda liked it. :-/It was based on a comic book after all. I found it refreshing that they didn't delve into Superman's "dark side" like they have with every other super hero(and will with Spidey next year)

96SC · « **Reply #8 on:** July 01, 2006, 09:56:10 am »

Quote

Sorry. �I, too, love Stymie. �But he was no criminal mastermind.

I fixed it in deference to you...and Stymie.

Terminator

Otay, Terminator, I accept your apology- Stymie

East_TX_Spa · « **Reply #9 on:** July 01, 2006, 09:57:51 am »

The biggest problem I had with the whole production is that Superman is Superhero Numero Uno, the most powerful, and the most righteous, yet he never lives up to that lofty position.

Batman's a flawed personality, Spiderman is a geek who acquired superpowers, but Superman is a champion of truth, justice, and the American Way (historically). �They changed that in this movie.

Superman has always been confident and only played himself off as dweebish Clark Kent to hide his identity. �In this hackjob, there is no differentiating between his CK persona and his Superman persona: he never seems to be in control of the situation. �Plus, he's downright creepy playing Peeping Tom at Lois's love shack. �Superman ain't supposed to be no wishy washy, angst-filled stalker.

And don't even get me to talking about his flamboyant Siegfried & Roy flying style.......

Terminator

Spatech_tuo · « **Reply #10 on:** July 02, 2006, 03:27:11 pm »

OMG, I played poker last night (hadn't played since the night before) and a friend said he and his wife went to it and left before it ended as well and mirrored Term's comments (minus the unnecessary snide remark about Stymie). How bad did they screw this up? I was looking forward to going but now I have to go for the same reason everyone slows down traffic to watch a house burning.

wmccall · « **Reply #11 on:** July 02, 2006, 03:36:23 pm »

I didn't think it was too bad, unlike a certain HS dealer.

Chas · « **Reply #12 on:** July 03, 2006, 12:39:47 am »

Quote

I didn't think it was too bad, unlike a certain HS dealer.

Are you saying you didn't think it was bad, but you do think a certain HS dealer IS bad? Or is it just that you 'didn't think,' becuase it was so bad?

Chas · « **Reply #13 on:** July 03, 2006, 12:40:47 am »

I finally saw X men III. Loved it.

Spatech_tuo · « **Reply #14 on:** July 03, 2006, 02:53:02 pm »

Quote

I finally saw X men III. Loved it.

No doubt. I hoped you stayed for the short scene AFTER all the credits ran.

Hot Tub Forum · « **Reply #14 on:** July 03, 2006, 02:53:02 pm »

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