Undercover Brother

[East_TX_Spa]

So, on Saturday (after a hard day of workin' and drinkin'), I decided to make the 40 minute drive to Tyler to visit the world-reknowned Pool and Spa Show I'd heard advertised on the radio.

"Come and see a selection of top spa manufacturers, pool builders, outdoor kitchens, gazebos, patio furniture...all under one roof!  Savings up to 75% off!  The first 15 people that buy a spa each day receive a free gazebo and outdoor kitchen!  Hurry, this sale is 3 days only!   Parking is free, admission is free!"

Wow!  This sounded like a great place to shop for everything a person could want for their backyard...who could pass up such a great opportunity?  Not me!

I hopped in the Hot Rod Lincoln and took off down Hwy 31 towards Tyler:


I passed by the Apache Adult Drive-In (Apaches, of course, are well-known throughout history for their love of adult entertainment):


Then whizzed past Bare Assets Gentleman's Club on the outskirts of Tyler:


Once I reached Harvey Hall, I was luckily able to find a parking spot near Earl Campbell Field:


Fearing I might be recognized due to my famousness in the hot tub realm, I quickly donned a disguise to divert attention:


Then, taking a deep breath and girding up my loins, I entered the lions' den.

To be continued....

[drewstar]

Intirgued by the Apache, I googled them.

This sounds like a creepy place:

http://www.captainchicken.org/txdrivein/tx_tyler_apache/story1.shtml

I then called them. I wanted to find out what feature movies where on for tonight.

No Answer. Damn it.

I left a message.

"Hi, This is Jim Arjuna, If you could call me back at...."

[East_TX_Spa]

As I approached Harvey Hall, I was warmly greeted by Bates, the official Master Spa mascot.  He informed me that no photography was permitted inside the building.  Being the law-abiding citizen that I am, I aquiesced:


When I walked through the doors, I was struck by the vastness of the place and of the eerie silence which permeated throughout.  The only sound was the tinny dialogue of the movie Taladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby which emanated from the DVD player on one of the spas.

At the entrance was a plain wooden table with some brochures scattered 'pon it from Blue Haven Pools, a local Bull Frog dealer.  To the left of me was 4 barbecrue grills, and the rest of the expanse was filled with approximately 20 Master Spas, a gazebo, about 5 salespeople and 2 couples shopping.

This is the fabulous Pool and Spa Show?  Lord a mercy...

Right off the bat, the head sales honcho came up to me as I watched the movie in the spa.

Sales Guy: "So, do you have room on your back porch for one of these babies?"

I replied that I was simply looking and did not wish to buy today.

Sales Guy: "You look really familiar.  Have I met you before?"

I replied: "I get that a lot.  The name's Harlan Breastmeat from Longview."

Sales Guy: "That's an unusual name."

Harlan:  "Well sir, I'm an Apache."

Sales Guy:  "Of course."

The conversation went downhill from there.

To be continued....

[Jacuzzi Jim]

 C'mon Term I am intrigued! Its like a good book with half the pages missing

[East_TX_Spa]

SG= Sales Guy
HB= Harlan Breastmeat aka Terminator

SG: "So how'd you hear about the show?"

HB: "Son, that's a rather, I say a rather personal question, but since you want to make a federal issue out of it, I'll tell you it was the Marconi wireless!"

SG: "Great...great.  Whaddaya think about that TV?  Pretty slick, huh?"

HB:  "I s'pose.  How much something like this run?"

SG:  "Around 20.  Let me tell you a little about us...."

HB:  "Are all these the same spa?  I realize they're different models, but are they all the same brand?"

SG:  "Yes, these are Master Spas.  The other spa companies backed out of the show, they said because of the weather <chortle...snort>.  That usually happens when people see what we have to offer and they know they can't compete.  Have you heard of us?"

HB:  "Are they like ThermalSpas?  I got a ThermalSpa DVD in the mail and they keep calling me wanting to come to my house.  I don't want nobody at my house, ya hear?  Ya'll ain't gonna try to come to my house, are ya?"

SG:  "No.  We do these inventory reduction sales all across the U.S.  It costs us too much money to ship these back to the factory, so we'd rather sell them at huge discounts."

HB:  "Do ya'll deliver them and who services them?"

SG:  "We partner up with a local spa company who usually takes on our line once they see the quality.  We have authorized service centers all over.  So what's it gonna take to get you in one of these?"

To be continued.....

[sledjunkie]

to be continue...Blah blah blah

So the moral of the story is....

Never trust a salesman, Especially a Hot Tub salesman.

[East_TX_Spa]

HB: "I'm just looking.  My wife wants a pool, but I ain't takin' care of no goat-smellin' pool!"

SG: "That's great, Harlan.  Let me take you over here and show you something."

Now, at this point, the sales guy is really aggravating me.  One thing they teach us salespeople at sales school is to pace the customer.  In other words, if they fold their arms and lean back against the spa, you do the same.  This puts the customer at ease (supposebly).  Well, this fella is parroting every move I make.  I crossed my arms, he crossed his, I leaned against the spa with one hand, he did the same.  I started scratching my gonards, he scratched his.  So here we are, both leaning against the spa and scratching ourselves like we've got lottery tickets in our britches and he's about 2 feet away from me.  I turn to look another direction and he moves around so he's right in my face again.  I spin the other way and he damn near jumps in front of me.  I finally just took off at a trot towards the back of the building.

SG: "This is what's known as a swim spa."

HB: "Goodness...how much sumptin like that cost?"

SG: "$34,000...we sold this floor model for $26,000.  If you'd be interested, I could get you the same deal."

HB: "I believe I'll pass.  I can't swim.  So are ya'll selling a lot of spas?"

SG: "We normally sell 150 on a weekend, but we'll be lucky to break 100 because of the weather."

Now, all of these spas have little yellow stickers on them saying "Sold" with names written in markerlot.  I saw a Smith, a Williams, a Ratatouille, a Johnson, and a Silver Surfer.  I suspect that some of them were phony, but I could be wrong.

I'm standing there trying to figure out how they are expecting to sell over 100 spas, yet there are only 20 on the floor.  Yet, they say they need to sell them all so they don't have to ship them back to Indiana.  Makes no sense.

To be continued.....(sorry, it's been busy today)

[Richs100]

Keep it coming, Term.

I can't wait to find out whether you now have a 34K swim spa out back (that you only paid 26K for)
How can they possibly do it?

[Jacuzzi Jim]

 Dang 150  spas in a weekend what am I doing here?  

[t6texan]

Man you crackin me up Term  Like the pics ,howed you do that reflection pic? roflol

[drewstar]

Man you crackin me up Term  Like the pics ,howed you do that reflection pic? roflol

Not too mention he's driving on the wrong side of the road.  

[MostlyLurkingGal]

Not too mention he's driving on the wrong side of the road.  

Not if he's going backwards..............

[East_TX_Spa]

HB: "My parents have a HotSpring Jetfighter spa and they really like it."

SG: "HotSpring is the biggest name in the industry.  We're the fourth largest spa company in the world.  HotSpring's two best selling spas, the Grandee and the Sovereign, can't compete feature wise with us.  The Grandee only has 36 jets and 2 one and a half horsepower pumps.  We've got 4 two horsepower pumps and 90 jets in our spas."

HB: "Wow!  I'll bet it'd blow the balls off a baboon!"

SG: "Yeah...Master Spa is famous for it's jets."

HB: "How come these neck jets feel different?  One of them is turning and the other one isn't."

SG: "It's so you can get a different massage on each side."

HB: "My folks have really enjoyed their HotSpring.  They say it has never given them any trouble."

SG: "HotSpring is the biggest name out there, but we're the fourth largest spa company in the world."    <No kidding, I heard that about 2 minutes ago>  "So, you think the little lady might be happy if you brought this baby home?"

HB: "She'd probally snatch me bald-headed if I did...HarHarHarrrrrrr!<Like a pirate> I'm not buying a spa today.  I don't have any money."

SG: "We offer financing."

HB: "Thank you but I just want to look around.  Thank you for all your help.  Do you have a brochure?"

SG: "You can go to Masterspa.com and sign up and you'll get a DVD and brochure in the mail."

HB: "Don't you have something I could take with me?"

SG: "Yeah, hold on a second."

Brought me a little tri-fold pamphlet.  These guys are so damn poor they can't even give out real brochures.

Bottom line: they sell crap.  The spas were in better shape than the one's I've seen at their roadside sales.  The side was off of one and I could not believe the poor workmanship on display.  No insulation, gaps in the cabinet, warping, just plain cheesy.

When I left, this is what was sitting in the parking lot:



The sales pitch was annoying, high pressure, smarmy, and deceitful.  I'm sure some suckers fell for it.  If they did, they are buying a spa with NO local support and will probably be calling us for service.  We will tell them to call Master Spa...but no one will be there.

Terminator

[pg_rider]

That last pic looks like a Haven trailer!

[t6texan]

Dang he is on the wrong side of the road. Terminator was over taking Jims traveling circus