Men are from Mars and Women Venus

[Rayman]

I have changed the names of the innocent, near the end it gets alittle offensive I have modified the words some.

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
offered by an English professor from UBC (University of British
Columbia):  The professor told his class one day: "Today we will
experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is
simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her
immediate right. As  homework tonight, one of you will write the first
paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph
and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph
and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also
sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third
paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been
written each time in order to keep the story coherent.  There will be
absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails, and anything you wish to
say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a
conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:
Rebecca and TERMINATOR.

THE STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about
him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
the question.

(second paragraph by TERMINATOR)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about
than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to
Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar
orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could
sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a
hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him
flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt
one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news
>>simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window,
>>dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and
>>carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract
her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around
her.. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
pondered wistfully.

(TERMINATOR)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands
of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of
its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed
the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had
left Earth a defenceless target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage
of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying
enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop
them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion
missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his
>>top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the
coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President
slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this!  I'm
going to veto that treaty!  Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(TERMINATOR)

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have
chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA??? Oh no,
I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)

A * * h o l e.

(TERMINATOR)

B * t c h

(Rebecca)

F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(TERMINATOR)

Go drink some tea. W h * r e.

(TEACHER)

A+:   I really liked this one, Go have a soak in a nice  Hottub and relax

[Dr. Spa™ Ret.]

I'm confused. How many people are in this class? Are there only 2 rows of desks?

"Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right."

So if you were to my right, I would pair off with you, but wouldn't you pair off with the person to your right?

[Rayman]

Because it is so cold in Canada we only have classrooms in 4 foot wide Igloos.  

[East_TX_Spa]

Continued.....

(Rebecca)

Oooohhhhh, Terminator, I really love it when you talk dirty to me like that!  Most of the men in my life would simply tuck their tales between their legs and let me have my say.  They have lost all of their masculinity and are merely nothing more than lapdogs awaiting their master's commands.  No longer will they truly be men, they have been neutered by the feminization of society.  Deep in my loins, oh how I long for a REAL man such as yourself.  Tell me you want me.....

(Terminator)

Yes, I want you............to get in the kitchen and make me a samwich!

The End

[Rayman]

Excellent Terminator,

You are Charles Bronson, Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, Arnold Shwartzeneger, Ru-Paul, The Village People, Liberace, Elton John and all the other Macho alternative lifestyle action hero's rolled into one.

Just kidding, not all the Village people just the Cop.

hehehe

[East_TX_Spa]

 

Terminace'

[Brewman]

Excellent Terminator,

You are Charles Bronson, Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, Arnold Shwartzeneger, Ru-Paul, The Village People, Liberace, Elton John and all the other Macho alternative lifestyle action hero's rolled into one.

Just kidding, not all the Village people just the Cop.

hehehe

Great- Just when I've erased most of the disco era from my long term memory!  Now I'll have the song "Macho Man" in my head all day.

Thanks

[East_TX_Spa]

Great- Just when I've erased most of the disco era from my long term memory!  Now I'll have the song "Macho Man" in my head all day.

Thanks

I hate to tell you this Brewman, but I asked the DJ for our VIP Night to bring lot's of disco:  Donna Summer (yummy!), KC & the Sunshine Band, Bee Gees, and yes, we'll probably be doing the YMCA.  I'm gonna have the video camera rolling so it ought to be interesting!

Terminator