Pizza, 2010

[Spatech_tuo]

ORDERING PIZZA IN 2010

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Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID number?

Customer: Hi, I'd like to place an order.

Operator: I must have your NIDN first, sir.

Customer: My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's  6102049998-45-54610.

Operator: Thank you Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number is 494-2366 Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number is 266-2566. Email address is sheehan@home.net. Which number are you calling from sir?

Customer: Huh? I'm at home. Where'd you get all this information?

Operator: We're wired into the HSS, sir.

Customer: The HSS, what the Hell is that?

Operator: We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time.

Customer: (sighs) Oh well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas.

Operator: I don't think that's a good idea, sir.

Customer: Whaddya mean?

Operator: Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that  you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice.

Customer: What?!?! What do you recommend, then?

Operator: You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like  it.

Customer: What makes you think I'd like something crappy like that?

Operator: Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion.

Customer: All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then.

Operator: That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids. Your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99.

Customer: Lemme give you my credit card number.

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash.  Your credit card balance is over its limit.

Customer: I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver  gets here.

Operator: That won't work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn also.

Customer: Never mind! Just send the damned pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?

Operator: We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45  minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick'em up while you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.

Customer: Wait! How do you know I ride a Harley?

Operator: It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday.

Customer: Well, I'll be a dipped in S.H.....!

Operator: I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a  July 4, 2003 conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here  in September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge. Oh  yes, I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to  society?

Customer: (speechless)

Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?

Customer: Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke..  

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering highly sugared soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this. We'll send a diet drink instead. Thank you for calling Pizza Hut.

ONE NATION: UNDER SURVEILLANCE (with soybean pizza and Diet Coke for ALL)

[socal]

and i thought i had too much time on my hands lol

[Dr. Spa™ Ret.]

ORDERING PIZZA IN 2010

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Operator: That won't work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn also.  
 
Customer: Never mind! Just send the d**ned pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?  
 
Operator: We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45  minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick'em up while you're out getting the cash,

Little bit of a conflict there... still funny, in a sick way

[Spatech_tuo]

and i thought i had too much time on my hands lol

I don't write em, I just copy/paste em.

[Steve]

Good stuff but it's scary how much of a reality it's becoming.

Just look when a customer applies for a "don't pay period" or financing? Dealers have access to far too much info IMO.

Steve

[HotTubMan]

If you don't think anyone is tracking your debit / credit card activity and using it to their advantage, you are naive (or I am paranoid or both)

[wmccall]

Coach, I was awake out there in left field, I never saw that one get by me.