Humor

[drewstar]

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
 sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
 mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,
 then the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight.
 Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

 Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the
 Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as
 marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.

 By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major
 airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!

 P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
 S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

 P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
 S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

 P: Something loose in the cockpit.
 S: Something tightened in the cockpit.

 P: Dead bugs on windshield.
 S: Live bugs on backorder.

 P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
 descent.
 S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
 S: Evidence removed.

 P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
 S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.

 P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
 S: That's what friction locks are for.

 P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
 S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

 P: Suspected crack in windshield.
 S: Suspect you're right.

 P: The number 3 engine is missing.
 S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.

 P: Aircraft handles funny.
 S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

 P: Target radar hums.
 S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 P: Mouse in cockpit.
 S: Cat installed.

 And the best one saved for last......

 P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
 pounding on something with a hammer.
 S: Took hammer away from the midget.

[tanstaafl2]

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
 sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
 mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,
 then the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight.
 Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

 Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the
 Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as
 marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.

 By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major
 airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!

 

This list has been floating around the internet for some time and has variously been attributed to Qantas as well as other sources by snopes. It is probably more likely the case that this is a mix of stories from a variety of sources, some of which may be true and some which may be entirely made up. At this point it may be impossible to ever know which is which.

As to the claim that Qantas has never had an accident this is untrue. The official line from Qantas is that they have never had a fatality in the era of jet service, which is true as far as records seem to indicate. But they did have a few fatalities in the pre-jet era. And they have had accidents with jets, they just haven't had a fatality.

The most serious recent accident was in September 1999 when Qantas Airlines flight QF1 over ran the runway in Bangkok. Most reports suggest that they were indeed lucky that there were no fatalities.

Another tid bit about Qantas is that it appears to be one of the few words in english starting with Q that is not followed by a "u". In fact "QANTAS" is an acronym for Queensland And Northern Territories Air Service.

Qantas used to fly round the world service, much like Pan Am, using a modified long range Boeing 707 known as a "V-Jet". John Travolta's personal jet is one of these original Qantas jets although the interior has obviously been modified into a flying luxury home from what I have read. Talk about you mobile home! Wouldn't be surprised if there was a hot tub inside...

Qantas is also noted for being the second longest continuously operating independent airline in the world.

[Spatech_tuo]

When in doubt, check out Snopes.com:

http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/squawk.asp

[drewstar]

Here's some photos I found but   the inside cockpit looks biger than the 707's I am famillier with. (We've got an older one out in the hanger here in the lab, this seems bigger:


John Travolta: Jumbo Jet Gallery
http://nigeldickinson.com/gallery/John-travolta-jumbo-jet?page=1

[bohms]

Interesting tidbit - my cousin out in CA is a stuntman and he has done a lot of  John Travolta's stunts.  He's been to his house in Maine, but I'm not sure if he's ever been on the jet......I'll have to ask....

[tanstaafl2]

No doubt Travolta has many homes. The one where he "parks" the jet is an aviation comunity in Jumbolair, Florida.

http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_nov2004/Travolta_House.htm

[Brewman]

I gotta wonder how much it costs to gas up a 707!?

 I know, if you gotta ask...............

Guess I didn't realize he was THAT wealthy.
I still remember his stint on Welcome Back Kotter.

[tanstaafl2]

Not just gas, he also has a crew to pay as well as maintaining the thing!

No doubt his affiliation with Qantas helps but at 20 million a picture I suppose that will buy a lot of aviation fuel.

[Brewman]

Is that what he gets?  WOW.   I figured he was getting some good dough, but $20M per film.  At that rate he can probably use the full service pumps.

Didn't know he was a spokesperson for Quantas, either.  I suppose that fee helps pay for a lot of jet fuel, too.  

[Tatooed_Lady]

I'm just LMAO over here over the original post.....I don't care if it's true or not, it's still funny!!  

[hottubdan]

I'm just LMAO over here over the original post.....I don't care if it's true or not, it's still funny!!  

Agreed!

good nite.