Question to you with teenagers or slightly older

[Vinny]

I have a 17 YO who has to work for what he wants. It seems that he is an oddity around here. It seems that a lot of "kids" have the full financial backing of their parents.

He pays for his car insurance, gas and when he wants to go out with his friends. We do throw him money sometimes if he's short of cash but generally he uses his own money. Before he drove, he cut the grass and did chores around the house for money but we footed the bill for going out.

What do you do?

Thanks!

[96SC]

Ours had part time jobs when they hit 16.  We did cover car insurance and any drastic shortages (things that would have taken a big chunk out of their pockets that were unavoidable).  
When they started college and had to study more and work less we covered for them a bit more, but they both moved into a house and paid their own way mostly. :-/

[Spatech_tuo]

This hits close to home. I have a friend who is a grocery store manager and I got my son (just turned 17 a couple weeks ago) a job a few months ago at one of their stores. After 2 months of working 24 to 30 hrs a week he decided "I’ve saved a few hundred $$, I want to take the summer off". I almost laughed but I just calmly explained that was not an option unless he planned to never go to the movies, drive, have cable/internet access, etc. I explained that the gravy train has pulled away from the station and he is permanently in the working world at least part time. He likes having $$ and after he quickly spent his first few checks he seems to be able to keep a decent balance in his account (a teen checking account I got him so he can manage his $$).

He's tried a few methods to get out of work like "the boss asked me to go get her a Starbucks, how degrading", "half my friends don't work the summer, only during school" or "they are giving me too many hours" etc. I just said "ask for fewer hours or get another job but you're not quitting unless you have another job lined up".

Meanwhile his 15½ yr old brother is itching to get a job but it’s not so easy at his age. I'm hoping we can get him on a payroll so his brother will feel foolish wanting to "hang out" for the summer.

Why do I feel like I lived through the Depression and kids nowadays just don't get it. I've become my father!!!!!

[Jacuzzi Jim]

 I like the replies so far!    My 7 1/2 old should be home stacking wood as we speak, he does a laundry run in the morning and is able to switch over and sort it as well when we ask him.   He also helps me mow the lawn, they are not very straight lines and I am always right there by him but its the thought that counts.   And yes we do pay him and are really trying to instill the value of a dollar and working for it.


 My 3 1/2 old girl Jaime helps Trent with the laundry when needed, feeds the guinea pigs and the cat, and helps with general pick ups around the house.

[Vinny]

I asked this question because it really seems that we are the odd balls around here.

He had a PT job at McD beginning the last school year and he was having problems juggling High School, Marching Unit, SAT prep course and the job so we told him to quit the job. School at this point is the most important thing he has to worry about and we felt we would carry him a little further. Because he left on great terms they hired him back.

Car insurance in NJ is expensive for kids and I agreed to put him under our insurance with the stipulation that he HAS TO be a careful driver. I warned him that he would have to pay the $4000 for insurance vs the $750 he's paying now or give up his license as I am not paying for the cost of his mistake.

The kids he knows are being handed cars, insurance, gas money and spending money. Some of these parents are buying their kids BMW's as their first car. I'm certainly not in their league.

I keep explaining to him that these kids are going to be in for a huge let down when Mommy and Daddy's money isn't there any more. He understands but he feels the pressure at times. I was in a store yesterday and listening to a 20 YO talk about purchasing something and his final comment was 'I don't care it's not my money it's my dad's".

Yeah, I am my father too ... scary thing is as I grow older my dad looks back at me every time I look in the mirror!

[96SC]

Yeah, I am my father too ... scary thing is as I grow older my dad looks back at me every time I look in the mirror!

My dad's hands are sticking out of my shirt sleeves.

[Skellman]

I'm about to enter that realm with my daughter. She'll be 16 in December. She just received her permit thus, I'm about to find out just how much insurance etc. will be. She has baby-sitting gigs for the summer. The good thing is, she's pretty darn helpful and doesn't need to be asked to do things. She's a good worker. My 14 year old son? Let me just say........he's damn lazy!

Anyway, what I told her was that whatever she saves, I'll match that when she buys a car. It'll be a couple years so, I have time to mentally prepare and save  :-/
We'll probably pay half the insurance and adjust as her income changes. She will pay for her own gas.

I personally believe that kids today are very unaccountable and presumptuous when it comes to what they feel "they" are owed.
My 1/2 a penny.

Skellman

[wewannahottub]

Oh Lawdy!!

My oldest, now 21, was the one kid I didn't worry about doing schoolwork, cleaning up his own mess,...  He used to be able to clean circles around me.  That changed as he got to the teen years, but he always had a little OCD in him and still cleaned up his own mess.  He would groan though when asked to do some things, and for quite some time, he had 2 major back surgeries for severe scoliosis (now fused from t1-l3) and couldn't do much.  He did work at local restaurants and paid for his own gas, and we split the car insurance.  

My second, now 18, OMG what his room used to smell like.  He did get better with age.  He has also since moved up his dad's, and surprised to say, he actually made his bed!  He doesn't have the aspiration to go to college, but has taken his postal exam, or as he says, may even become a "refuse specialist", as all that training with strange odors he is immune to smells.  When it came to jobs around the house, though, the grass cutting was half-assed, and most help was half hearted.  He has yet to get his license, but knows he needs a job,... and the whole viscious cycle.  His dad will get him going.

My 9 year olds---opposite as night and day.  My son is very helpful and a decent worker, when asked, but sometimes surprises us anyway, and keeps his room cleaner than his twin sister.  She will be the one to give me a run for my money.  She expects payment for almost everything we ask her to do.  It is of no concern to her when she is not allowed to play with friends until her room is clean.  Right now, they are cleaning so we can go to the park tomorrow and hang out by the river.  Seems to working as an incentive...

I often remind my kids the jobs I did at their age==for free---and at the age of 18, was helping to take care of my mother, who was a new quadparesis from neck surgery gone awry. On that side-track--she was an inspiration to me, though I hold other handicapped people in high standards now, that she retrained to drive, went back to college, shopped, and rode around the neighborhood on her scooter.  I am amazed at her strength, but now she rests in peace with my dad.  I ofter hear them in my head, though, when talking/yelling at my kids.

Yeah, my kids could do a hell of a lot more, for what they get.  But, they are still good kids, and I pray things will all turn out.  The oldest has gotten more helpful and less chatty on the phone.

Chrisi

[jgirvine]

oh wow, after reading the other posts, my kids had it easy.  We live in a fairly upscale neighbor.  A LOT of my kids friends received everything on a platter....mine did not, but they were given a lot more than most of the other posters kids.  Little background.  My husband grew up with nothing....I mean sometimes going hungry type nothing.  As such he wanted it easier on his kids.  I on the other hand had grown up closer to the lifestyle my kids were exposed to and I saw how giving everything to the kids could lead to big problems.  We compromised.   My girls are now 24 and 28.  The oldest is a high school teacher married to a med student.  The younger is a pilot for Continental Express Airlines.   So they turned out great.  They have made fine adults.  We told them SCHOOL was their job during the school year.  They were expected to produce good grades.....they did.  We did not ask them to work during the school year.  Summers they were expected to work.  When each girl was 14 we went new car shopping.  They were allowed imput on the choice of the car, but not the final choice.  A new car is for someone who works and pays for it.  We then drove the car for 2 years till the girl turned 16 and got their license.  At that time they were given the car.  Told it was the only car we would ever provide them.  We let them in on the choosing so they would feel an ownership of the car.  BUT>>>>>we paid for all gas, insurance, etc.  My husbands comment was he knew the girls were good drivers, he did not want them having to get in a car with someone else who might NOT be a good driver simply because they did not have gas money.  That way we also could keep tabs on how many miles they were driving.  Their summer jobs was to provide them with spending money during the year.  Both girls took dance lessons since they were 3 years old, and they did have small part time jobs during the school year as assistant dance teachers during high school.  With the understanding that if grades went down, dance would go away.  That there was nothing more important than their grades.

You know it is all about instilling responsibility.  The oldest now being a high school teacher says, money, no money, the kids who are  "good"  are the kids whose parents make them take responsibility for their actions and are not bailing them out.  

Food for thought.

[wmccall]

We pretty much gave our daughter, only child, a free ride through college.  As long as she kept her grades up, which she did very well.   She didn't get a part time job till just before college and it was related to her career choice.   I wouldn't let her work anything in our neighborhood.

[96SC]

It doesn't matter which 'method' we parents take to raise our kids, just as long as they grow up to be a credit to society....good job all.

[Spatech_tuo]

It doesn't matter which 'method' we parents take to raise our kids, just as long as they grow up to be a credit to society....good job all.

Exactly, I just want my kids to be well adjusted credits to society. If they end up wearing a suit and tie to work every day like this guy then that’s just a bonus.

[Hillbilly Hot Tub]

As I had to as a kid,our kids also pay all their own bills....car, insurance gas, cell phones ect and if their car breaks down they pay for that too. They are on my insurance saving them a bundle, unless they screw up.

I have learned from friends kids that my kids have more respect for their stuff. The ones that it is handed to don't care if they abuse and break it, they are not footing the bill. The kids at the high school that have been seriously injured in car accidents are the kids that have had their stuff handed to them, they seem to push the envelope more.

When my kids move out they will understand about saving and bills. The reality that..."jeez, my car broke and it is going to cost $1300.00 to fix. Glad I put money away for repairs, because if I didn't I would be walking to work."

If I handed them everything, what would happen if I died tommorow? Who is going to hand it to them if I am gone? Things in "real" life are not handed to you ever, you have to work for them.

Thats MO.

[Vinny]

Thanks for the responses!!